Grace, love, and humility (My take on the Derek Webb controversy, among other issues)

1 Corinthians 10:23-24  “All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful.  All things are lawful, but not all things build up.  Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.”

Over the past few years, I have become more and more aware of a disturbing trend in certain evangelical circles.  Maybe it’s a result of postmodernism taking over our society, including our churches.  Maybe it’s a result of the huge emphasis placed on the individual that is so prevalent in our culture.  Whatever the root, there seems to be this trend for some evangelical leaders, and of course their fans then follow suit, to–in order to make what may very well be a valid point–push the lines as far as they can in order to achieve the greatest shock value among their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

There are church planters who choose a bar as the location for their congregation.  There are pastors who cuss during their sermons.  There are Christian leaders who make a big deal about the fact that they drink.  There are books poking fun at those congregations who still hold to the formalities of hymns played by piano and organ.  There are those who seem to go out of their way to loudly mock Christians who also happen to be white, middle-class Republicans.

I’m going to give the benefit of doubt here, and assume that in most cases, these people have embraced a valid issue, and are trying to make a point.  We should try to reach out to lost people, including those who frequent bars.  We should try to make our delivery of the Message be one that will reach the ears of those to whom we are speaking.  We should realize that we cannot judge others as sinning for merely drinking wine every now and again, since the Bible does not prohibit the drinking, merely the getting drunk.  We need to examine some of the newer songs that are out there, and embrace those that are theologically rich, and realize that adding a guitar is not wrong.  We should understand that we cannot blindly follow any one political party, but should examine each candidate on each issue, praying hard about our votes.  And we should try to encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ to understand these same points.

BUT  WE SHOULD MAKE OUR POINT IN A WAY THAT IS HONORING TO CHRIST!!!

It is true that Jesus Christ pushed boundaries when He walked this earth.  He did things and said things that shocked the religious leaders of the day.  He crossed the lines of what was acceptable by hanging out with women, visiting in the homes of outcasts, and refusing to honor pointless traditions.  Maybe these leaders today simply think that they’re acting in the way that Jesus acted.  But I think there is a big difference.  When Jesus was pushing boundaries, He was doing so as a smaller part of His whole purpose–breaking the chains of the Old Covenant, the Old Law and introducing the world to His New Covenant of love, His New Law of grace.  He was breaking sinful traditions and habits and rituals to introduce people to His perfect law of love.  The people that He, as a result, alienated were those who stubbornly refused to believe in Him.

However, those today who are using this “shock value” to make their point do not, obviously, have this bigger purpose behind it, and are alienating and offending those that Christ has said belong to their own family.   Some of them have claimed to be trying to make a point, to open the eyes of complacent Christians, to shake us out of our comfort zones, to encourage us not to hold onto tradition for tradition’s sake.  These are good things to encourage Christians to ponder and examine in their lives.  However, I think that the “shock value” methodology is not the best, and I’ll go on to say that I even think it points to a level of immaturity in he who is doing it.

In the New Testament, Paul, as quoted above, points out that all things are lawful, but not all things are helpful, nor do all things build up.  These leaders have a message burning in their hearts that they think the Christian world needs to hear, but they should not communicate it in a way that is going to be offensive to the ones they are trying to reach.  Their message may be true and may be one that the church desperately needs to hear, but their delivery is not helpful, is not building the church up.    When Mark Driscoll cusses in his sermons, or preaches extremely graphically on sex, his Seattle listeners, who are more liberal in thought and culture, may not be offended.  But the Bible Belt listeners are going to go up in arms, as evidenced by the motions at last month’s Southern Baptist Convention to ban his books from Lifeway.  When books like Blue Like Jazz lump all traditional congregations into the same outdated, old-fashioned, ineffective, unenlightened dead-faith group, they’ll have lots of postmodern-thinking fans, but they’re alienating their more conservative brothers and sisters in Christ.  A church that meets in a bar may seem no worse than Jesus eating with tax collectors to some, but it’s a stumbling block to those fellow Christians who believe it’s wrong to consume alcohol.

And that’s the issue.  Not whether the point is right or wrong, because, as I’ve already said, all these people have validity to their points.  But how are they communicating?  Are they exhibiting the grace, love, and humility that wants to cause offense to no man?  Are they doing as much as depends on them to live peaceably with others?  Are they being cautious to not be a stumbling block to other brothers and sisters?  Even if they think they’re right, and you’re weaker than them for being offended, Scripture is still clear:  keep the weaker brother in mind.  Restrain your own liberty for the sake of his conscience.  Yes, these leaders are at liberty to say certain words, to drink certain drinks, to vote certain ways, but it is their responsibility, according to Scripture, to place a restraint on that liberty for the sake of others who may not feel the same liberties.  In employing the shock methods, especially when combined with an attitude of glee that seems to be present in at least one case that I know of, they are definitely not seeking the good of their neighbor.

So what does this have to do with Derek Webb, a singer/songwriter who started out with Caedmon’s Call and went on to release several solo albums that got a little edgier one by one?  For several years now, my husband and I have been big fans of  his.  His first solo album, She Must and  Shall Go Free, immediately started a buzz because of some controversial lyrics, mainly in the song “Wedding Dress” where he compared the church to a harlot-bride, using more colorful language than I just did.  I was able to look over the shock value of this because, after all, there are places in Scripture that make the exact same comparison using the exact same language.  However, each album got slightly more controversial in theme if not in lyrics, and when he started including a lot of pacifism in his lyrics we started feeling a little more distanced.  He is in the process right now of releasing the most controversial album to date, one that his own record label would not even release.  The main problem seems to be with one song, both for the message seemingly implied in the song (that it’s more important to fight world poverty than to preach against homosexuality) and for a couple of words used in the song that are certainly offensive to most Christians.  My take on this is that which I’ve already described:  He has a valid point that we should not focus solely on one issue as Christians (like abortion or homosexuality) but that we should also be acting out our faith by helping the widows, orphans, and homeless.  However, he loses my respect as someone whose point I want to hear when he communicates in such an offensive way.  He becomes a stumbling block to me instead of an encourager to me, spurring me on to the good works he thinks I should be doing.  He has succeeded in alienating a large number of his own spiritual brothers and sisters.  Where Christ shows grace, love, and humility, he has shown anger, immaturity, arrogance and a love of self, simply by the way he chose to communicate.

Matthew 12:36 says, in the words of Christ, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.”  We should all use this as motivation to be very, very careful in the way we communicate to others, especially when it comes to issues of the kingdom.  We must seek to represent Christ with our words and communication.  Make your points, challenge others where their complacency needs challenging, but do so with grace, love, and humility.

Does a two-year-old really need to be able to recite the Lord’s Prayer?

We’ve been watching some home movies lately.  The girls love to watch themselves on tv.  As we’ve been watching them, I’ve been feeling really guilty.  Four-year-old Catherine is not up to the par that four-year-old Abigail was.  Two-year-old Elisabeth is not doing what two-year-old Abigail or Catherine either one did.  And 10-month-old Samuel is behind all three of his sisters when they were his age.  I started seriously beating myself up over this.  I was stressing out, thinking that I needed to start really working them hard to get them “caught up.”

Abigail started reading on her own at four; she knew all the sounds for all the letters at age three and just bridged the gap from there to reading all by herself.  Catherine, who just turned four last month, can recognize most of the letters when she sees them, but I don’t think she knows any sounds.  Have I failed her?

Two-year-old Abigail can be seen on video singing two verses of “Amazing Grace.”  Two-year-old Catherine can be seen on video singing “Twinkle Twinkle,” “You are my Sunshine,” and reciting the Lord’s Prayer with no prompting.  Two-year-old Elisabeth can’t even sing all of Jesus Loves Me, and when we pulled the camera out last night, the best I could get out of her, at least musically, was “La, la, la.”  After watching Catherine reciting the Lord’s Prayer, and realizing that she was younger then than Elisabeth is now, I started trying to get Elisabeth to say it with me, and she can’t even verbalize all the words yet.  Have I failed her?

At ten months, Abigail was saying “baby,” “bye-bye,” and “Abidee,” her version of her name.  She wasn’t walking yet, but she was waving and clapping.  At ten months, Catherine wasn’t talking much, but she had just started walking, and could do several little tricks.  Elisabeth at ten months was already a pro at walking, and can be seen on video clapping along with her silly sisters.  Samuel, at ten months, is crawling, pulling up, and smiling.  Refuses to stand on his own.  Laughs when you try to get him to wave or clap.  Repeats lots of babbling but not even close to talking for real.  Have I failed him?

Is it really necessary that Catherine already know all the sounds when she’s going to be doing kindergarten level phonics beginning in September, and the whole workbook focuses on learning the sounds of the letters and putting them together to form words?  Does she really need to know the sounds before she learns the sounds?  Is it really necessary that Elisabeth be able to recite the Lord’s Prayer at this young age when she is learning simple prayers for bedtime and mealtime?  Is it necessary for her to be able to sing whole songs, when she is showing more of a talent for physical feats than either one of her older sisters?  Is it really necessary for Samuel to be saying words and doing hand motions and walking at only ten months old just because his sisters did?

Each one of my children is, obviously, going to be different, with unique skills and abilities.  I want to expect as much out of them as they have to potential to achieve, at each stage of their life.  I want to always be teaching them and encouraging them on to new achievements, whether that means walking, learning a new word, learning the third verse to a hymn, or reading.  But, somehow, in the world of parenting, we (and I include myself in this) have gotten caught up in this competition-driven mindset of teaching our kids these “tricks” just for the sake of trotting them out to perform for everyone else (as evidenced by the fact that I have all these tricks on video, documented with the date and age of the child).  We want to impress everyone else with our brilliant kiddos, because somehow, our kids’ achievements put more notches in our own belts.

You can see this all the time.  All you have to do is ask what grade little Johnny is going into this fall.  His parent will tell you and then launch into a glowing monologue, informing you just how wonderful little Johnny is in the world of academics.  I’m not saying I’m not tempted to do the same.  As a home-schooling mom, I already feel like I’m on the defensive with most people and that I need to prove that my child is actually being educated, so it’s almost second-nature to start listing everything that she can do.

You see it when mommies talk about their babies, too.  “Is yours crawling yet?”  “Is she doing anything new this week?”  One of the funniest examples of this mindset to me has been with each one of my babies as they were getting their teeth.  My babies’ first teeth have come in as early as five months on the dot for Elisabeth, with the latest one being Abigail at just over six months.  Every time, there have been people who noticed their teeth, asked their age, and then said something like, “But my little (daughter, granddaughter, friend, so on) is already eight months old and hasn’t gotten a single tooth yet!  Yours already has three!”  Like I did something special, worked extra hard with my kids to get them to get their tooth earlier than the other kids.  We want our babies to be the best, and that can mean achieving things early, even when it’s something that no one but God controls.

But being on the receiving end of these monologues does not usually result in my feeling amazed at the accomplishments of little Johnny.  No, I’m usually just feeling weary, and often–I confess–wondering how much of it is exaggeration and how much is actually accurate.  Has Johnny really already mastered his multiplication tables in preschool?  Did your six-month-old baby really say “Thank you” when you gave her her dinner last night?  And even if they did, so what?  Is that really going to help them out when they get out of college?

So what’s my point?  Well, this was partly a rambling venting sort of blog, but there are two resolutions I’d like to make publicly.  Number one:  I resolve to not teach my children “tricks” for the sole sake of impressing others.  This gets sticky, because–and let me not be misunderstood–I do think that it is very important to constantly be expecting great things from my children. I expect them to memorize Bible verses, we teach them hymns, I make Abigail pick out chapter books along with her storybooks at the library, I try everyday to get Samuel to stand on his own.  It’s not that I won’t try to teach them these things; rather, I’ll try not to do it so that they have a new repertoire of performance possibilities.  Number two:  I resolve to not get caught up in the one-upping conversations of whose kid has done what.  As tempting as it is when someone is telling me what level their kid is on in whatever activity, I will try to just ooh and aah over their kid and leave mine out of it.  What difference does it make if they know that my kid is ahead of theirs?  Am I teaching my children just to impress the other mothers?  It’s okay if my kid is advanced and no one else knows about it.  On the flip side, it’s also okay if my child is behind the other kid.  Parenting is not a competition.  I have not failed my younger children simply because they don’t know as many tricks as their older siblings.  They’ll learn what they need to learn when they need to learn it, and they’ll be fine.

So, confession time:  many people reading this blog are probably thinking back just a couple of weeks ago to Abigail’s kindergarten graduation, where I stood her up in front of all her family and had her recite the 26 Scripture verses she had memorized over the course of the year.  Now how do I justify that in light of this post?  Well, here’s the honest truth.  When I planned that program, I had several motivations.  One was simply to share with our loved ones what we had been doing.  There have been mixed reactions to our homeschooling choice, and I felt like this would be a good opportunity to open a window to our world.  Now they could see that we did in fact learn things, and cover good old subject matter like addition, subtraction, and Peter Rabbit.  Another was for Abigail to have the opportunity to receive affirmation from someone besides Mom and Dad.  She doesn’t have outside teachers to encourage her, so I thought it would be good for her to have this time to be encouraged by her family.  And, yes, being completely honest, I was proud of her and wanted to show off what she had done.

So I’m not saying I’ve accomplished these resolutions.  I’m just saying I’m going to work hard on them.  Feel free to point out when I’m bragging for bragging’s sake.

Busy schedules affect us all

I guess the busy schedule we’ve had lately is getting to all of us. Last night, I was getting Elisabeth ready for bed. Laying quietly as I changed her diaper, she finally looked up and said, “Take nap, wake up, go church, eat cake, go home, get my messy out, go night-night.” Then she sighed. I guess that’s a good sign that we all need to slow down a bit.

Meet Lucy

We have a new family member:  Lucy the kitten.  We got her from friends at church, and she is absolutely adorable.  It’s been a long time since we had a kitten in our family, too long if you ask me.  Lucy is only about 2 1/2 months old so she is still tiny, still frisky, still funny.  She can jump a mile in the air at the slightest movement, and can attack a pair of socks or a ponytail holder with a vengeance found nowhere except in a new kitten.  Our family is now safe from all renegade ponytail holders.  The kids just love her, although I’m not certain the feeling is mutual, since they constantly “love” her.  Elliot tolerates her as long as she doesn’t jump up into his personal space.

We’re looking forward to watching Lucy the kitten grow into Lucy the cat and being part of our family for a nice long time.

Our Kindergarten Graduate

A couple of weeks ago, on Father’s Day, actually, we had a graduation ceremony for Abigail.  Our first big homeschool milestone!  She worked very hard all year learning the Bible verses from Susan Hunt’s ABC Bible Verse book, and so that’s what we decided to let her share with our family.  She read a poem written by her mommy about her kindergarten year, recited her verses, and then we presented her with her diploma that we had designed especially for her.  Everyone was extremely kind to bring her gifts, so she was excited about that.  Mommy and Daddy gave her a diary, and that tickled her.  Although it felt slightly rushed, squeezing it in around wedding and birthday, I felt like it turned out very nicely.  I can’t believe I now have a first grader!!  I am very proud of how well she’s doing in school and am extremely excited to get going on this next year!!

My Kindergarten Year

My mommy was my teacher,
My classroom was the table.
With a baby, a move, and an ice storm
We did school as we were able.

We began each day with prayer,
We learned some Bible verses.
We read stories from God’s Word
About blessings, kings, and curses.

It took us two whole years
But we finally made it through
The Child’s Story Bible
And the coloring pages too.

The ABC Bible Verse book
Gave me a new verse for each letter.
They help me to be kind and good
And learn to know God better.

The Phonics Museum made reading a snap,
Learning spelling, digraphs, and blends.
Now that I can read so well
The adventure will never end.

Spelling tests were the hardest,
Although I tried my best.
We read tales of queens and battles
And a wagon train going west.

Geoboards and pattern blocks
Made Saxon Math so fun.
We made a store and counted dimes
And solved the “doubles plus one.”

We read of a peddler with caps for sale,
Met Corduroy and Little Bear.
We saw Peter Rabbit, and Frog and Toad,
And Floss was also there.

We gave that silly mouse a cookie,
We heard Stone Soup was yummy,
And Frances learned that bread and jam
Just could not fill her tummy.

We traveled each week to Melody Lane
Where the mayor showed us around.
We learned about beat and tempo and rhythm
And how Bach and Beethoven sound.

I’m thankful for my kindergarten year
And all the memories I’ve made.
But now that’s done.  It’s time to move on.
Here I come, First Grade!