Astonished confidence

At the Beth Moore conference this past weekend, her main text for the three sessions was Exodus 34:6-7, where God, after being asked by Moses to show Himself and refusing, gives us a beautiful description of Himself.  He calls Himself “‘The Lord, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin…’”

As I listened to her teaching on each of these attributes, and then continued to mull them over in my mind over the past couple of days, my heart was just filled with the realization that I haven’t fully embraced some of these attributes of God.  God describes Himself as merciful and gracious–meaning not only does He withhold the punishment that we do deserve, but He bestows incredible favor upon us that we don’t deserve.  He says He is slow to anger and forgives iniquity and transgression and sin, which assures us that He’s not just waiting for us to mess up so that He can zap us.  He tells us that He will keep His love steadfast, or maintain His love, which is a promise that He will guard His love for us and keep it ever constant, regardless of our actions or failures.  What does it do to your heart to see God describe Himself in this way?  I’ll tell you what it did to mine.

It made me realize that there is evidence in my life of unbelief in some of God’s attributes.  He showed me that I carry so much guilt over our past poor stewardship in the area of finances, that it colors the way I look at current circumstances.  Because I carry that guilt, I see every new thing that comes up that will require unplanned expenses (and life brings a lot of those situations in a family of six) as just another consequence, or maybe even punishment, for our past failures.  But the Bible teaches that when God forgives, He throws that sin into the sea.  This doesn’t mean that there will not still be consequences for sin, but He does not continue to look for ways to punish us for past sin.  Why?  Because for believers, our sin has already been punished once for all on the Cross.  Therefore we can live each day with confidence.  Confidence that, even though it is bound up in our human nature that we will mess up, God has promised to be slow to anger.  Confidence that He loves to pour out mercy and grace upon His children.  Confidence that He abounds in love and faithfulness.  Confidence that He has promised to guard that love, keep it steadfast for a thousand generations.  And confidence that He will indeed forgive our failures.  Yes, there may be natural consequences that God allows us to face, but even in those consequences, He pours out His grace.  Just to go back to my personal example–we are still making relatively large payments on our credit cards, but each month He is faithful to provide.  He has not just abandoned us, even when our situation is due to our own sin.  He is faithful, He provides, He keeps the promises of Who He says He is.  So I will persevere to retrain my mind, to not just immediately sink into discouragement with every unplanned expense, to shake off the guilt and step into a walk of faith and trust and confidence that God will keep His promises to me.

But I also realized that confidence alone is not the proper response to these truths of God’s nature.  Confidence alone could lead to being careless with God’s grace, being careless with the knowledge that He will indeed forgive.  Confidence alone could lead to living like grace gives us a license to sin.  Paul addresses this type of thinking in Romans 6:  “What shall we say then?  Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound?  By no means!  How can we who died to sin still live in it?”  (v 1-2)  If the only mindset that comes from understanding the attribrutes of God is confidence, then it will be too easy to just carelessly and knowingly sin, in an arrogant confidence that God will forgive anyway.

No, confidence must be accompanied by astonishment.  Astonishment comes from the heart of one who knows the depth of their depravity, and has yet been told that God loves them anyway.  Astonishment looks upon God’s mercy and forgiveness and unmerited favor with awe, with reverence, with pure worship and gratitude.  Astonishment alone is not enough either, because without confidence, astonishment could lead to disbelief in God’s promises and the assumption that they must not be true for me.  I think this is where I’ve been living lately.  I knew I had messed up, and although I never would have said it out loud or agreed with someone else who did, my mindset showed that part of me believed that God wouldn’t forgive that sin.  I was astonished that God would forgive me, and because I lacked the confidence to grasp that promise, I’ve been living under the weight of doubting God’s words.

But when astonishment meets confidence, God’s promises will be received and believed with the proper mixture of awe, reverence, worship, and true freedom from the chains that have been broken.  One who receives God’s promises with astonished confidence will never take them lightly.  He will feel the weight of the cost of the grace being bestowed on him–the cost being Calvary.  He will never abuse that grace by sinning freely under a guarantee of unlimited forgiveness.  But he will also never walk under the weight of guilt over past sins.  He will truly live like one forgiven.  Even if he is still paying the natural consequences for his sin, he will understand that God’s love and grace is still present.  He will realize that God abounds in love for him, and has promised to guard that love and never let it fade.

If you have one without the other, it will require a re-training of your thoughts to get out of the rut in which you’ve been walking.  Preach to yourself.  Repeat God’s promises straight out of His Word.  Ask someone to hold you accountable when you start slipping back into old thought habits.  A child of God should not be walking around under a cloud of guilt because he lacks confidence, nor should he be walking around being flippant with his own depravity and the sacrifice of Christ at Calvary.  Let us do whatever it takes to discipline our minds to receive the love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, and faithfulness of God with astonished confidence.

Grace, love, and humility (My take on the Derek Webb controversy, among other issues)

1 Corinthians 10:23-24  “All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful.  All things are lawful, but not all things build up.  Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.”

Over the past few years, I have become more and more aware of a disturbing trend in certain evangelical circles.  Maybe it’s a result of postmodernism taking over our society, including our churches.  Maybe it’s a result of the huge emphasis placed on the individual that is so prevalent in our culture.  Whatever the root, there seems to be this trend for some evangelical leaders, and of course their fans then follow suit, to–in order to make what may very well be a valid point–push the lines as far as they can in order to achieve the greatest shock value among their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

There are church planters who choose a bar as the location for their congregation.  There are pastors who cuss during their sermons.  There are Christian leaders who make a big deal about the fact that they drink.  There are books poking fun at those congregations who still hold to the formalities of hymns played by piano and organ.  There are those who seem to go out of their way to loudly mock Christians who also happen to be white, middle-class Republicans.

I’m going to give the benefit of doubt here, and assume that in most cases, these people have embraced a valid issue, and are trying to make a point.  We should try to reach out to lost people, including those who frequent bars.  We should try to make our delivery of the Message be one that will reach the ears of those to whom we are speaking.  We should realize that we cannot judge others as sinning for merely drinking wine every now and again, since the Bible does not prohibit the drinking, merely the getting drunk.  We need to examine some of the newer songs that are out there, and embrace those that are theologically rich, and realize that adding a guitar is not wrong.  We should understand that we cannot blindly follow any one political party, but should examine each candidate on each issue, praying hard about our votes.  And we should try to encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ to understand these same points.

BUT  WE SHOULD MAKE OUR POINT IN A WAY THAT IS HONORING TO CHRIST!!!

It is true that Jesus Christ pushed boundaries when He walked this earth.  He did things and said things that shocked the religious leaders of the day.  He crossed the lines of what was acceptable by hanging out with women, visiting in the homes of outcasts, and refusing to honor pointless traditions.  Maybe these leaders today simply think that they’re acting in the way that Jesus acted.  But I think there is a big difference.  When Jesus was pushing boundaries, He was doing so as a smaller part of His whole purpose–breaking the chains of the Old Covenant, the Old Law and introducing the world to His New Covenant of love, His New Law of grace.  He was breaking sinful traditions and habits and rituals to introduce people to His perfect law of love.  The people that He, as a result, alienated were those who stubbornly refused to believe in Him.

However, those today who are using this “shock value” to make their point do not, obviously, have this bigger purpose behind it, and are alienating and offending those that Christ has said belong to their own family.   Some of them have claimed to be trying to make a point, to open the eyes of complacent Christians, to shake us out of our comfort zones, to encourage us not to hold onto tradition for tradition’s sake.  These are good things to encourage Christians to ponder and examine in their lives.  However, I think that the “shock value” methodology is not the best, and I’ll go on to say that I even think it points to a level of immaturity in he who is doing it.

In the New Testament, Paul, as quoted above, points out that all things are lawful, but not all things are helpful, nor do all things build up.  These leaders have a message burning in their hearts that they think the Christian world needs to hear, but they should not communicate it in a way that is going to be offensive to the ones they are trying to reach.  Their message may be true and may be one that the church desperately needs to hear, but their delivery is not helpful, is not building the church up.    When Mark Driscoll cusses in his sermons, or preaches extremely graphically on sex, his Seattle listeners, who are more liberal in thought and culture, may not be offended.  But the Bible Belt listeners are going to go up in arms, as evidenced by the motions at last month’s Southern Baptist Convention to ban his books from Lifeway.  When books like Blue Like Jazz lump all traditional congregations into the same outdated, old-fashioned, ineffective, unenlightened dead-faith group, they’ll have lots of postmodern-thinking fans, but they’re alienating their more conservative brothers and sisters in Christ.  A church that meets in a bar may seem no worse than Jesus eating with tax collectors to some, but it’s a stumbling block to those fellow Christians who believe it’s wrong to consume alcohol.

And that’s the issue.  Not whether the point is right or wrong, because, as I’ve already said, all these people have validity to their points.  But how are they communicating?  Are they exhibiting the grace, love, and humility that wants to cause offense to no man?  Are they doing as much as depends on them to live peaceably with others?  Are they being cautious to not be a stumbling block to other brothers and sisters?  Even if they think they’re right, and you’re weaker than them for being offended, Scripture is still clear:  keep the weaker brother in mind.  Restrain your own liberty for the sake of his conscience.  Yes, these leaders are at liberty to say certain words, to drink certain drinks, to vote certain ways, but it is their responsibility, according to Scripture, to place a restraint on that liberty for the sake of others who may not feel the same liberties.  In employing the shock methods, especially when combined with an attitude of glee that seems to be present in at least one case that I know of, they are definitely not seeking the good of their neighbor.

So what does this have to do with Derek Webb, a singer/songwriter who started out with Caedmon’s Call and went on to release several solo albums that got a little edgier one by one?  For several years now, my husband and I have been big fans of  his.  His first solo album, She Must and  Shall Go Free, immediately started a buzz because of some controversial lyrics, mainly in the song “Wedding Dress” where he compared the church to a harlot-bride, using more colorful language than I just did.  I was able to look over the shock value of this because, after all, there are places in Scripture that make the exact same comparison using the exact same language.  However, each album got slightly more controversial in theme if not in lyrics, and when he started including a lot of pacifism in his lyrics we started feeling a little more distanced.  He is in the process right now of releasing the most controversial album to date, one that his own record label would not even release.  The main problem seems to be with one song, both for the message seemingly implied in the song (that it’s more important to fight world poverty than to preach against homosexuality) and for a couple of words used in the song that are certainly offensive to most Christians.  My take on this is that which I’ve already described:  He has a valid point that we should not focus solely on one issue as Christians (like abortion or homosexuality) but that we should also be acting out our faith by helping the widows, orphans, and homeless.  However, he loses my respect as someone whose point I want to hear when he communicates in such an offensive way.  He becomes a stumbling block to me instead of an encourager to me, spurring me on to the good works he thinks I should be doing.  He has succeeded in alienating a large number of his own spiritual brothers and sisters.  Where Christ shows grace, love, and humility, he has shown anger, immaturity, arrogance and a love of self, simply by the way he chose to communicate.

Matthew 12:36 says, in the words of Christ, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.”  We should all use this as motivation to be very, very careful in the way we communicate to others, especially when it comes to issues of the kingdom.  We must seek to represent Christ with our words and communication.  Make your points, challenge others where their complacency needs challenging, but do so with grace, love, and humility.

Walking with God, leaving a legacy

On Saturday, May 16, I received word that a family from our Lafayette church had experienced a house fire the night before, killing the wife and both children, leaving only the husband.  This was a family I knew only by sight, but the abrupt, tragic ending of these three lives shook me just the same.  As I was still praying for the husband and church family through the following days, pondering the brevity of life and wondering how I would respond in similar circumstances, I learned that a friend from our Louisville church was in the hospital, most likely on his deathbed. On Saturday, May 23, I answered my phone to hear that he had died hours after being released from the hospital.  The circumstances in Louisville were very different from those in Lafayette, but both situations have served to sharpen the focus that has been developing in my heart over the past couple of months.

OB Turnbow was 82; he had lived a long and faithful life and, over the past couple years of ever-declining health, had been asking his family when Jesus was going to come to get him.  OB and his family knew that the end was near, and they knew that the end was only the beginning for OB, for when he left this earth he would go to live with Jesus (and join up with some old buddies who had beat him there, much to his chagrin).  While they are still sad today, as they spent the afternoon in the funeral service and at the cemetary, they are able to celebrate a long life that left a legacy for many.

I was privileged to attend his funeral service this morning, and a couple of  things struck me.  His daughter spoke of a dad who was faithful to lead his family in prayer and in nightly Bible readings.  She gave testimony of a man who loved others and showed it in his actions, opening his home to countless children over twenty years, not to mention visiting missionaries or college students or anyone who just needed a place to stay for awhile.  The man she described was a man who impacted lives, a man who left his mark on those who knew him.  In a way, I feel like I missed out after hearing his life described today.  You see, by the time my path crossed OB’s in the summer of 2003, he bore the lasting effects of a stroke that robbed him of his health.  I never knew him in his prime, but from what I did know, I can easily picture the man she described.  OB was slower in speech and slower in movements by the time I met him, but his love for others and for God was still very clear.  I know because I saw him love my daughter.  Abigail was six months old when we came to Beechmont, and OB would seek us out every Sunday to talk to her and play with her.  I would sit with him in the nursery rocking chairs, with one or the other of us rocking her, and we would just chat about nothing.  You had to listen more closely and pay more attention when he spoke, but he had things to say.  I used to feel frustrated for him, because his body was no longer keeping up with his mind and I could imagine how frustrating that must be.  Sometimes it seemed like people were in too big a hurry to slow down and match their pace to his, whether walking or talking, but when you took the time to go slowly with OB, you were blessed.

The other thing that struck me this morning was the text for the funeral sermon, chosen by OB’s wife Norma.  She asked the pastor to read the passage of Enoch in Genesis.  Enoch, the Bible says, walked with God.  Norma wanted this read, because, as she said, OB walked with God.  The pastor, of course, went on to say more, but my mind stopped here.  What an incredible testimony of the faithfulness of a man!  It’s probably a pretty safe assumption that Norma knew OB better than anyone else on this earth did, and at the end of his life, she wanted it made clear to everyone that OB walked with God.  We all know people who put up a front at church, who put up a front around friends.  It could even be possible to put up a front before one’s children, if one tried hard enough.  But Norma and OB had a long marriage together.  If Norma says OB walked with God, then we can be sure that he did.  He wouldn’t be able to fool his wife.  That’s the kind of life I want to live.  No matter how long or short my life may be, I want to live so that my husband, who knows me inside and out, good days and bad, would say that I walked with God.

OB left a legacy.  He left a model for his children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren to follow, one that they can follow with confidence.  OB’s death has served, as I said, to sharpen my on focus on leaving a legacy for my children and any others who may follow.  I want to live on purpose, to be intentional, to redeem the time that God has given me so that a testimony of faithfulness can be given of me when I’m gone.  Thank you, OB, for your legacy.

And the family from Lafayette, the mom and two children who were so young and who died so tragically?  If OB’s death sharpened my focus, then their deaths moved my focus up to a more urgent level.  For that mom did not expect, that Friday morning, to be living her last day.  That Tuesday, as she went about her daily tasks, she had no clue that the following Tuesday she would be buried.  I want to leave a legacy, but I have no idea how much time God will give me to do so.  So I have to live today, right now, in such a way as to create a testimony of faithfulness.  I can’t put it off for when my kids get older, or when they leave home, or even until our house sells.  My legacy is already being built in the choices I am making right now, in the words I say to my kids and the tone in which I say them, in my responses to life’s curve balls, in my relationship with my husband, in my compassion-or lack thereof-for those around me.

I want to walk with God.  I want to leave a legacy.

Will I shine? (for those who are heroes in dark times)

Jesus never promised an easy road through life upon following Him.  In fact, He basically promised the opposite–that the way will be difficult and riddled with hardships.  Each of us, in following Christ, will go through experiences that are painful, difficult, life-altering.  In these experiences we have a choice:  how will we respond?  Kick and fight against it, whine and pity ourselves, scramble around breaking our necks to find a way out prematurely, stomp off in anger and tell God we’re not playing if He’s not going to play our way?  Or will we have the grace (God promises the grace, it’s up to us to employ it) to respond with a quiet, steadfast heart that is willing to submit to whatever cup our loving Father will pour for us, trusting Him to know what’s good for us even though in our limited perspective the situation seems very very bad?  Thankfully, we have so many models to look to, people who have gone through tragedy or hardship and come through shining quietly.  I think of people I’ve admired as I’ve heard their stories–Susanna Wesley;  Elizabeth Prentiss;  Joni Eareckson Tada; Alba, a humble, joyful woman in the rural mountains of Ecuador (the only one in this list that I’ve had the privilege of meeting); and of course, my great hero of the faith, Elisabeth Elliot–who lost not only Jim, her famous first husband, but also her second husband to cancer.  Each of these women–and there are many others, countless women everyday whose names and stories never become known–went through extremely difficult situations, tragic situations, and yet remained steadfast and quiet.  Lord, give me grace–as you allow pain and trials in my life–to follow in the footsteps of these women who followed you faithfully even when the way seemed dark, lonely, and too heavy to bear.

When I hear this song, I think of them:

“The Moon”–Kendall Payne

The moon’s worn thin, succombed to the pressure.  Her silver dress hangs in the sky like a rag.  Her coat, her cloak, her cover of darkness fails to hide the tears that she’s cried.  Oh, she cries.  But she still shines, though the night falls around her.  By her light, I find my way.  When I fear the path laid before me, I look to the light of her face and thank her for being so brave.

The moon remains in fullness or frailty.  A faithful climb, and I stand amazed at the way she still shines, though the night falls around her.  By her light, I find my way.  When I fear the path laid before me, I look to the light of her face and thank her for being so brave.

Choose life

Recently I was reading in Deuteronomy and came across the following Scripture:

“I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse.  Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.”  Deuteronomy 30:19-20

I have read that passage many times before, but for some reason, this time it really stood out.  Most specifically, my mind stuck on the phrase, “that you and your offspring may live.”

I don’t adhere to covenant theology–the teaching that the children of believing parents are also part of the covenant and therefore will be saved by default (in my very limited understanding)–but I cannot argue the fact that the lives of the parents have an effect on the children.  As my kids are growing from babies to toddlers to preschoolers to “big kids” (and I just happen to have one of each!), it becomes more and more apparent to me that I am not living my life solely for myself.  My decisions impact others.  Whether I am diligent in housework or lay around all day.  Whether I am diligent to exercise and eat right or just remain sedentary and unhealthy.  Whether I am wise with finances or spend money carelessly.  What I watch on TV.  What I let my kids watch on TV.  The music I listen to.  The words I speak.  The tone I use when I speak.  Each one of these things is a decision that I make on one level for myself, but deeper than that, they have an impact on my children.  My children are watching me, whether I–or even they–realize it.  I am a model for them.  I’m not the only model they have, but I am one of the two most influential models that they have.

My walk with Christ, my pursuit of holiness, my battle against sin–do not involve just me and God.  The Scripture doesn’t say, as the old Geoff Moore (?) song says, “Choose life, that you may live.”  It says, “that you and your offspring may live.”  You’ve heard people say, “It’s not just about you.”  Well, it’s not.  I have four other little hearts for whom I’m choosing life.  I cannot save my children by living a holy life.  I cannot save them by teaching them and training them in righteousness.  God, in His abundant mercy, is the only One who can save them.  But I can definitely play a part in making the path between their sinful hearts and God’s infinite grace more clear by choosing life and modeling holiness for them.  It may not make them more likely to be saved, but it may make it easier for them to choose life every day once they are, since that’s what was modeled for them.

What an awesome responsibility!  My shoulders feel so heavy sometimes with the weight of the responsibility God has given me in each little baby that was placed in my arms.  Parents, your Christian life is not just about you!  You are the primary discipler of your children, whether you are actively doing anything about that or not.  That is your role.  That is my role for my kids (along with my husband, of course).  Yes, I will stand before God and answer for my own life, my own walk, my own decisions.  But I will also answer for the way my life impacted my kids.  Am I choosing life for them?  Am I clearing off the path to God for them, or am I placing obstacles in their way by the disconnect between what I preach and what I practice?

I know that these words were spoken specifically to the Israelites about the Promised Land, but I believe the application I’ve drawn is definitely valid.  Do I want my children to love the Lord, obey His voice, and hold fast to Him?  Absolutely–it’s my heart’s greatest desire.  Then I must choose life that not only I might live, but my children as well.

**One of my favorite singers speaks to this theme as well:

Sara Groves–”Generations”

“I can taste the fruit of Eve.  I’m aware of sickness, death, and disease.  The results of her choices were vast.  Eve was the first but she wasn’t the last.  If I were honest with myself, had I been standing at that tree, my mouth and my hands would be covered with fruit–things I shouldn’t know, things I shouldn’t see.  Remind of this with every decision, generations will reap what I sow.  I can pass on a curse or a blessing to those I will never know.

She taught us to fear the serpent; I’m learning to fear myself and all of the things I am capable of in my search for wisdom, acceptance, and wealth.  To say that the devil made me do it, is a cop-out and a lie.  The devil can’t make me do anything when I’m calling on Jesus Christ.  Remind me of this with every decision, generations will reap what I sow.  I can pass on a curse or a blessing to those I will never know.

To my great-great-great-granddaughter, live in peace.  To my great-great-great-grandson, live in peace.  Remind me of this with every decision, generations will reap what I sow.  I can pass on a curse or a blessing to those I will never know.”

Awesome song, awesome message.  Lord, help me choose life.